The Kissing Contest
by Seer of Terana
Summary: The Club needs to figure out who the best kisser is. Who better to decide that Haruhi? But during the contest, Haruhi fantasizes about the men she's kissing. The main pairing is HaruhiHostClub, but It's a little Tamaki biased at the end.
1. The Kissing Contest

_Ohayo! Or… konnichiwa I guess. (sigh) I never wake up early enough to greet people with "Ohayo." Drum roll please…THIS IS MY FIRST OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB FICTION EVAH! This fiction was inspired by the story _The Forbidden Kiss _by _SistersGrimm_. I hope you like it (please like it, please like it, please like it)! At first I thought this story was sooo great, I could see it perfectly in my minds eye! But then I imagined my brother naked and my mind's eye went blind, so I'm not sure if it's good or not…_

_P.S. Until Bisco Hatori publishes the last chapter of the last volume of the manga, I will be using the anime as a reference! Normally I'm the exact opposite, but if I get a certain idea in my head of how _I _want it to end, and then it doesn't happen that way, I might explode. Ano… parts in italics are Haruhi's thoughts and bold is where Kaoru and Hikaru are speaking as one. Oh, and in case you're wondering, these are all fantasies I myself have had at some point in my life '._

_Disclaimer: I don't own this manga or anime, nor this website, or the internet, or the moon. But when I am crowned Queen of the World, that will be the first thing I change. _

**The Kissing Contest**

Fujioka Haruhi just finished saying goodbye to her last customer of the day. After spending six months in the Ouran High School Host Club, she'd gotten used to the monotonous work. By her calculation, she was more than halfway toward her goal of… 1000 customers. _Damn rich bastards… _She was ready to leave for some much needed studying, when suddenly-

"Oh-hohohohoho, oh-hohohohoho, oh-hohohohoho!" (High Powered Motor) –Hoshakuji Renge made her dramatic entrance from the trapdoor in the floor. _I just don't understand how she got that installed in here without us knowing…_ "Good news everyone! This last copy of the 'Ouran Host Love' doujinshi is practically on the bestsellers list!" _We have a doujinshi? _

"**We have a doujinshi?" **the Hitachiin brothers asked as one. **"We don't remember agreeing to that." **

"Now, now. We don't have time to ask questions. The main reason I'm here is to inform you all of a new addition I'll be making the 'Ouran Host Club Weekly Magazine!' and the 'Moe Moe Ouran Journal'" _We have a magazine?_

"**We have a magazine?"**

"Silence!" The manager shrieked. "(ahem) So anyway, this new addition is going to rocket our sales up to space! It won't be a long article, so you don't have to worry too much. See, I want it small. That way, instead of customers just skimming the article at the stand, they'll have to buy the magazine, take it home, and then look for it on every page. While reading the articles on the many pages, they'll become hooked on our weekly updates. And they will buy every issue they can! Muahahahahahaha!"

_That seems like a really drawn-out, complicated, and meaningless plan. (sigh) I guess I should've expected something like this from Renge-chan…_

The King of the Host Club rose from his throne, struck a dramatic pose (_obnoxious baka)_, and asked in his princely manner: "What is the addition, Renge-chan?"

Sparklers shot up into the air and activated as Renge took her microphone and screamed to the entire Academy: "WHICH HOST IS THE BEST KISSER?" Tamaki's jaw dropped, the twins' jaws dropped, Honey cocked his head to one side, Mori grunted, Kyouya raised his eyebrow, Haruhi smacked her forehead. "Of course, if it was up to me, Kyouya-kun would obviously win ( 3) so you all have until tomorrow at noon to let me know who the best kisser is. Bye bye!" (High Powered Motor) As Renge lowered back down in other hole, Tamaki practically exploded before opting to sulk in the corner as always.

"**(sigh) Well now what do we do?" **The twins questioned the Shadow King.

"I think it's quite obvious who we ask." Kyouya stated coolly "Since all of our customers have their biases, we need to ask the one female that doesn't like any of us." _I wonder who that is…_Surprised was Haruhi, when all eyes turned to her. The girl-host's mouth dropped open, and just as she was about to flat out say "no" her self-proclaimed "father" cut her off.

"NO WAY! I WILL NOT ALLOW MY SWEET DAUGHTER TO BECOME THE OBJECT OF SO MANY LIPS! NEVER NEVER NEVER!" Kyouya pushes his glasses up on his nose.

"I believe it's Haruhi's choice." The Shadow King looked her way.

"…no…way…in…hell…" she emphasized each word as she gave Kyouya a death glare. He only smirked.

"If you do, I'll divide your debt in half."

"…" _Damn rich bastards… _"Okay I'll do it." Half a moment before Tamaki could burst into tears, Kaoru and Hikaru swept Haruhi up between them.

"**Okaaaayyyy Haruhi! Who's first! Hmmm? How should we decide?" **Kaoru pondered. "Maybe from tallest to shortest?"

Takeshi grunted "Mitsukuni will not be last…"

Hikaru pondered "Ano… then shortest to tallest?"

Honey shook his head vigorously "That's not fair to Takeshi! Hmmm. OH! I know, I know, I know! We'll do it from backwards-who-joined-the-the-club-first order!"

"**Huh?"**

"You know! Since Tama-chan joined first, he goes last. And Kyou-chan goes second-last, see! So the order is- Hika-chan and Kao-chan, Takeshi, me, Kyou-chan, and Tama-chan!"

"**Ha! That's fine with us!" **Both twins began circling Haruhi like vultures **"So Haruhi, are you ready for us?"**

"That won't work you two." Kyouya interrupted just before the twins could pounce. "Renge-san wants to know which individual kisser is the best. That means you both can't go at once." _Even if they were allowed, how would they go at the same time?_

"Okay… Hikaru! You were born first; I supposed that is an omen that you must go first here too." Kaoru cried in his dramatic voice.

"Ah, Kaoru!" Hikaru rose to the bait and wrapped his arms around Kaoru. "I could never make you feel like you were second best. My sweet, sweet brother."

"Hikaru!"

"You two know we don't have any customers now, right?" --' Haruhi asked flatly. The incestuous twins looked up.

"**Oh yeah…" **Hikaru grinned "Okay, I guess I'll go first." The orange haired twin walked up to the female-host and puckered up. _(sigh) Let's get this over with. _Haruhi closed her eyes and leaned into Hikaru's kiss.

(()) 

When Haruhi opened her eyes, she was in a tropical rain forest. Hikaru stood a few feet in front of her. She could see the setting sun from her spot amidst the trees. Both were wearing tank tops, with Hikaru opting to jeans while Haruhi chose khaki shorts.

"You know…" Hikaru began "You look even more beautiful in this light." He slowly crept towards Haruhi, reaching up to brush a lock of hair behind her ear, before drawing her into a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed back with all her might.

(()) 

As soon as their kiss broke, Haruhi leapt back and held a hand to her mouth. She was in the Third Music Room, not the rain forest. _What kind of girl am I, fantasizing about romantic scenes like that. Am I…BLUSHING! What's up with me? _

"What's the matter Haruhi? My kisses too much for you?" The boy said with a smirk.

"Ahhh, don't make fun of her Hikaru." Kaoru piped up in her defense. "Come on Haruhi, it's my turn now." _Okay, it's just Kaoru. I don't have any fantasies about him, no yearning desire for him, nothing. _She kissed him.

(()) 

Now she was on a yatch in the middle of the ocean, wearing an elegant black dress with a lovely pink corsage around her wrist. It was night, and a full moon shone in the cloud-free sky. Kaoru was leaning against a railing, looking out at the water. He turned and waved Haruhi over to him.

He was wearing a black and white tuxedo, with a ruffled jacket and undone tie. Haruhi came over and stood by his side, until that is, Kaoru slipped an arm around her waist, causing her to jump. After a moment, she relaxed into his embrace happily.

Without warning, Kaoru moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her close to him. She gasped, before once again adjusting to him. Slowly, she turned around to face him. He rested his palm on her cheek and entangled his fingers in her short hair.

He moved closed, and she leaned into his kiss.

(()) 

_Not again! Ack! What's wrong with me? All these guys in the host club, they're just friends right? …Friends don't fantasize about friends in that way… Oh no, now it's Mori-senpai._

Takeshi approached her silently, and kissed her bluntly.

(()) 

"Wait! Stop!" She was running down a stone hallway, dressed in an extravagant pink dress so long she had to hold it up with her hands to walk normally. She reached the end of the hall and ran into a large room. Mori was there, dressed in a chain mail top, and armored legs. Haruhi gasped for breath.

"…Please, don't leave me…" she sounded desperate, needy. "Please don't go away, and leave me alone… please…" He stared at her stoically as she broke into tears. "I don't want to live without you." Without a word, he pulled her into a hug. She rested her head on his chest while she wept. His strong arms encircled her and seemed to tighten around her as she continued crying. He stroked her hair, and whispered sweet words in her ear.

When her sobs lessened, she removed her face from his chest and looked into his eyes. Gently, he kissed her forehead, then moved down to her lips.

(()) 

Haruhi stepped away from Takeshi, only to be tackled by Honey. "Yay! Now it's my turn!" He climbed up, using her body as a ladder, before planting a kiss right on Haruhi's lips.

(()) 

"Yay! Haru-chan, look at all the sweets!" Haruhi giggled as Honey ran around Candy Land. He started chasing after a pack of wild donuts, while Haruhi grabbed a stray lolli-pop and took a seat in a cupcake-chair.

Having caught one of the feral pastries, Honey returned to sit beside Haruhi. _He's soooooooo kyuuuute. _"Honey-senpai KAWAII!" She practically squealed. He looked up and smiled. _This is it…_ She leaned down to meet his lips…

But the second before she could, he stuffed a cake in her mouth. "Isn't this cake delicious Haru-chan!"

(()) 

Honey hopped off her and grinned expectantly "Was my kiss the very best Haru-chan? Was it?" Haruhi gave a weird laugh, and then turned to Kyouya. He straightened his glasses, the kissed her.

(()) 

They were at a party in some exaggerated palace. The main celebration was in a large lobby, but Haruhi and Kyouya were out alone on a balcony. Haruhi was facing away from Kyouya, her arms crossed, she was very angry at him.

He carefully reached out and touched her elbow, but she yanked her arm away and continued her silent treatment. Kyouya reached out, grabbed her hand, and spun her around. Haruhi raised her hand, ready to slap her offender, when he suddenly hugged her.

She was shocked, and Kyouya just kept holding her. After a minuet, she broke down and hugged him back. Kyouya drew his head back, then kissed her softly.

(()) 

_Wow… I never thought about Kyouya-senpai acting like that. It was really… different. Almost… likeable. Ohhh nooo. Now it's __his__ turn._ Tamaki did a ballerina spin before taking her hands in his. "Don't you worry Haruhi. It's very natural for fathers to kiss there daughters on the lips." He broke away to do another dance and pulled a rose out from his special hiding place. He offered it to Haruhi. "For you, my sweet." _--' _Haruhi opened her mouth, and bit the rose bloom off the stem, chewed it for a moment, then turned her head and spit it out.

Tamaki's mouth flew open and he collapsed into a sobbing heap. Haruhi sighed. "Let's just get this over with Tamaki-senpai." In an instant, the King of the Host Club was on his feet and jumping for joy. Still annoyed, Haruhi grabbed him and yanked him toward her. As Tamaki tried not to crush her, their lips touched.

(()) 

An beautiful room, at least ten times larger than the Third Music Room, and a hundred times fancier. Jewels were set into jewels, everything was gold! A huge marble dance floor occupied the majority of the room, with a grand staircase at the north wall.

Haruhi stood in the center, wearing an expensive lavender dress that in truth looked more suited for a James Bond villainess. Tamaki was wearing his signature white tuxedo with a sexy smirk on his face as he "admired" Haruhi. She grinned at him and stood up on her tip-toes to give hin a quick peck on the lips.

Tamaki licked his lips appreciatively, before going back in for another kiss. This one lasted longer, was more passionate. His hand grasped her shoulders and pulled her closer. As if with a separate consciousness, her hands clung to his body and their tongues entered the others mouths.

They broke apart for air, but only temporarily, soon they were back on each other. Tamaki's hands were exploring every curve Haruhi possessed. And her own hands were… testing out the firmness of Tamaki's ass.

The scene changed, they were in a dark room, in a bed, Tamaki was on top, bestowing lavish kisses to his princess. Haruhi quickly unbuttoned his shirt and runned her hands all over his bare chest.

(()) 

"AHHHHHHH!" _Where did that come from!?_ Haruhi leapt away from Tamaki and clapped her hands against her cheeks. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! AHHHHHHHHH!"

Tamaki almost fell down when Haruhi began screaming.In an instant, the twins were at his side. Both had evil looks in their eyes.

"**What did you do to Haruhi?"**

"N-n-n-n-nothing. I swear, I have no idea what she's doing!" They glared at him some more.

"**You tried to slip her the tongue, didn't you?"**

"Wah- n-n-n-n-n-"

Now Honey had the evil eye. "You tried to do perverted things to Haru-chan…"

"AH- No, I-" Tamaki tried to back up, but hit a solid wall of muscle. Looking up, he came face to face with an enraged Takeshi…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_A/N Hi, did everyone like it. While writing it, I began to hate myself more and more. I'm terrible, aren't I? I shouldn't live, should I? Oh no, Mother of the Moon Above, Father of the Sun and Stars, forgive me! Goddess of Ten-thousand Names, Blessed Maiden, Mother, Crone… PITY ME! sob_


	2. And The Winner Is

_This is a little wrap-up to the main chapter, who won the kissing contest anyway? I bet you can't guess who Haruhi chooses. Go ahead, guess. I'll wait here. Alone. In my basement. With Grampa's socks… TAKE ME WITH YOU!_

**And The Winner Is…**

"Oh-hohohohoho, Oh-hohohohoho, Oh-hohohohoho." (High Powered Motor) "Well, I hope you've all decided who the best kisser is. We need to be ready to ship out the magazine first thing Monday morning. So chop chop, who won?" This morning, Renge was cosplaying "Yui Hongo" from the Fushigi Yugi manga.

Tamaki was still sulking from being unjustly beaten up by Takeshi, Honey, Hikaru, and Kaoru. "Ah, yes, we decided to let Haruhi tell you the winner." Kyouya explained to the otaku.

"Very well then, Haruhi, who is it?"

"Oh, right… the article. I really didn't think much about it. I-"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT!" The obsessive manager went into rampage-mode. "THIS COULD BE THE BIGGEST THING EVER TO HAPPEN TO THE HOST CLUB FANDOM! AND YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT!?"

"Alright, alright… If I think about it right now, then the best kisser is… me."

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

**"YOU!"**

"Well, yeah, I mean, I'm the one that kissed every single member of the club in less than five minutes, so I must be pretty good."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

**"…"**

Renge was speechless: "……………….y-you kissed all of them……. really? ... wow………… that's……..that's……………..MOE! It's the epitome of moe! Ahhhh! This will be even better than I thought! YES you rock Haruhi, embrace your sexuality! People will love you even more. Ahhhhhhhhhh!" With that, the insane otaku rushed off.

"…Well, I'll see you guys later!" With that, Haruhi rushed off to class.

"…" The Ouran High School Host Club would never be the same.

_A/N So, how was it? Did I redeem myself in your eyes? Oh, Goddess, please let it not be terrible. Review, I accept flames, but I may use them to burn myself at the stake._


End file.
